Jennifer Nicole, Bachelor PsychologyAnswered Aug 3, 2019
I want to say before I finish answering this, that I’m about 50–75% recovered and healed. I think mainly because I’ve isolated myself and i spend most of my time focused on myself. Having a “favorite person” was what helped keep me in a dysfunctional state of mind.
I hate being alone, but if i want to have any chance of being stable and living a stable life, it’s the only thing I’ve found that works for me.
Before I became serious about healing and getting better mentally and emotionally, I wouldn’t get over a favorite person. It was something that i would drag out for a long time. It was painful and involved a lot of meltdowns.
When i started to become more aware, i would get over a favorite person by finding a new favorite person. It still wasn’t healthy, but it saved me a lot of pain and suffering. And I didn’t have to focus on the other person so much because i was busy with someone new.
Now that I’ve become at peace with myself, and okay with spending time alone, rather than constantly clinging to other people, i get over a favorite person, by just numbing myself, and forgetting them altogether. Still not healthy, but I haven’t figured out any coping skills besides these up to this point.
I don’t think I’m doing a good enough job of describing how serious i would take having a favorite person, and how detrimental it was to my life. Things got to the point where my mother was threatening to kick me out because i was in almost a psychotic-like state all the time. I was literally out of control, and so unstable that she didn’t want me living with her anymore.
My favorite people, would have the power to ruin my whole day if they wanted to. And what was really unfortunate, was that i was attracted to extremely toxic, and emotionally abusive people, who had no problem upsetting me for their own enjoyment. And i would let them. And it would become an endless cycle that neither of us could get out of.
The only way I’ve truly found to get over a favorite person, is by not having a favorite person. I don’t know how to not become obsessed and attached to people. So the only way I’ve learned to cope is by isolating and not having anyone as a favorite person.
My life is boring and dull without a favorite person, but i would much rather have this than to be in pain all the time because I’m attached to someone who doesn’t care about, and love me as deeply as i do them.
The more self aware i get, the more avoidant i become. The less I’m willing to put up with. And I’ve gotten good at cutting people off and never looking back. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m giving all my power away to someone again.
I’ve spent my whole life feeling powerless and clingy, so when i can control it, i will.
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